Run Silent, Run Deep

So... what's new?

We've been on the busy side, the last couple of weeks.

Susan is trying to get her master's thesis done. Therefore, she's been spending afternoons and evenings at work, where furry little beasts don't distract her by napping in her lap (I sure hope not, at least). There was some tricky X-acto knifery, yesterday, which, fortunately, did not result in (m)any band-aid related activities. Now she almost has a swell set of stackable cups for use in dividing her samples into different particle-sizes.

I've been trying to get an experimental setup completed at work. That took more time than I'd hoped, but it is done now. Possibly, I overdid it, aligning the optics to the extent that a whole passel of tiny reflections is being imaged. It got a little confusing. I'll see about getting a picture of that thing.

Also, I'm doing a re-write of a paper we're trying to get submitted to Applied Physics Letters. It is pretty neat. A small result that we came up with on the way to a better one, it still merits publication, I think, because it is of fairly general (as true as that ever is in academic work (meaning: in the subfield of our subfield)) use. We'd hoped to submit it at the end of May, but I dropped the ball on that.

I've got another paper that I'm supposed to go and write, too. That one is kind of a sequel to one that my colleague wrote. Should also be useful, if I can get the simulations I need to run with my limited computer-access. The problem, there, is that I need to have two objects in the simulation domain with fairly widely varying sizes, which is a pain in the rear. Also, the software I need to use runs on Linux. Ew.

Anyhow, we'll be going up to Oregon (the upper parts) at the very end of this month. That'll be nice, since I bet it'll be ridiculously hot here by then. As it is, the June gloom is not seriously living up to its potential. I'm bitterly disappointed.

Move over, Disney World

Dude. If they put in a quidditch ride, I am so there.

Fun with Replacement

Imagine a word or phrase which contains the word "habit." Now, replace it with the word "hobo."

• Mickey loves it when we put used paper-towel tubes in the hobotrail with him.
• Sorry about that; it was force of hobo.
• The Mother Superior placed the hobo over Frances' shoulders.

&Etc. Buckets of fun!

Baby Oil

In the convenience store on campus I was waiting in line next to the health-care products and noticed that there was a bunch of Johnson's baby oil. I had the unoriginal thought,

"How many babies do you have to press for a bottle?"

After that, I wondered what those Johnsons had to say for themselves, so I read the back label. You'd never know it, but apparently, using it is like searing your food: it seals the moisture in.

When you pry it from my chubby, sticky hands...

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you the great state of Illinois.

Mother's Day--Belated

My Mom is awesome.
She's been many things: EMT, day-care provider, student, teacher, sales-whiz, jewelry-maker, and more. She's got versatility.
A high-school dropout, she went to college and got a degree, and then went to grad school and got another! She's got gumption.
About thirty years now, she and her husband have taken care of each other, and grown four (quite) odd children to adulthood. She's got a family, and they love her.
Happy Mother's Day, Mom.
And to all you other Moms: I don't know how you do it--but I'm glad you do.

By Way of Explanation

More work-related posts for you guys.

Oh-by the way, when I give "left/right" directions, I'm assuming your right. As you may recall from the bathrooms of your youths (or Enter the Dragon), when you put mirrors up to each other, you see some very strange things. If you tilt a few mirrors and form a little triangle, you see copies of things receding off into infinity (and MADNESS!!). That is an optical "resonator."

So, an optical resonator is a place where light bounces back and forth. It turns out that when you start to make these things small (like the size of light waves), only the light that fits into the resonator can rattle around in there.

Here's a picture to illustrate.



On the top left, we have a three-sided resonator, like you might form with your vantiy mirrors. We can imagine light following along the red path, coming back onto itself again and again. If we were to add more sides, and follow the arrow down, we'd see that each time the light turns, it makes a smaller turn in the seven-sided resonator than in the three-sided one. If we go farther, up the diagonal arrow, we find a twenty-sided resonator, and the light's turns are smaller still... taking the limit of that process to infinity and imagining a hollow cylinder with a mirrored inside surface, we form what's called a "Whispering Gallery Mode Resonator," (or WGM),so named for the Whispering Gallery at St. Paul's cathedral in London.

We see that the arrow from the twenty-sided resonator to the WGM resonator is wiggly, and that the WGM is full of "lobes." That sort of represents for you that we're making certain that the light has the right wavelength to "fit" inside!

Those are the kind of resonators I deal with at work. Here's a few Scanning Electron Microscope micrographs I took of one such resonator:



Along the bottom is an overview, looking down on a Silicon microdisk WGM resonator. That one is 100 micrometers in diameter-about the diameter of a human hair. Above that, you see a couple of detail pictures. The left one shows a bit closer, and the right, closer still. As you see, these disks are very thin. Around 200 nanometers.

Dealing with these is a bit of a pain. In order to get light into them, we bring a fiber optical cable quite close... so close, that the photons jump from the cable to the resonator. Here's a schematic that emphasizes a that.



In the top panel, we have a fiber optic cable running from left to right, carrying a rainbow of light. The circular thing in the middle is a top-view of a WGM resonator. As you can see, some colors of light jump off the fiber optic cable and swirl around in the WGM. I've exaggerated the degree to which the different colors are displaced, just for clarity. As you see, each of the colors is a wave, and each wave closes on itself. That's called the resonant condition-and is what I mean when I say that the light has to "fit:" at any given point, after a round trip, the electromagnetic wave has to look identical to how it looked beforehand!

Another thing we see is that after the WGM resonator, the fiber optic cable doesn't have any more "red," "green," or "blue" light. It's all stuck in the resonator. We can see that in the bottom panel, where the curve shows the transmission past the resonator as a function of wavelength. Right at "red," "green," and "blue," all of the light gets stuck in the resonator. The shapes there are called "Lorentzian curves." You see that each dip has a little width- well, that has to do with how much light gets absorbed in the resonator, or radiated out into the world, etc. The less that happens, the narrower each dip will be.

So, what does all that have to do with the crazy picture below?

Well, the shapes of the Whispering Gallery Modes are a little more complicated. It turns out that each of those is an electromagnetic wave. And there are a couple of different ways that the electric field part can be oriented. Each of those orientations gives rise to different specific properties. Moreover, a given orientation can also form more complicated mode patterns- each of which also gives rise to different properties. The picture below was made by recording the transmission versus wavelength (around 1500nm-invisible light) and then moving the fiber optic cable farther from the resonator an then recording the transmission versus wavelength and then movi.... Sorry. Pointing up is one electric field orientation, and pointing down is another.

I'm still not sure WTF was going on.

WTF is Going on Here?

Generated this figure today, trying to figure out-well-what was going on.

Never Heard That Before

• Ira Flatow basically tried to browbeat a caller into bombing a fertility clinic. The subject of the evening's show was stem cell research. When a caller spoke of his strong belief that all life begins at conception, Ira asked what the fellow was doing about it... Eventually, he posed the question, "If these were your children, what would you do? Would prayer be enough? Would writing letters to your congressmen suffice? Shouldn't you be doing something?"
  It wasn't explicit, but-hoo boy-subtext.
• Dr. Ruth was an Israeli sniper before she was-well-Dr. Ruth. Talk about a career change.
• We went shooting for the first time in a little over a month. Susan, as usual, was amazing. I did pretty well, too. We did have one problem: on several clips, the shell casings weren't clearing for Susan. She tried firming up her grip, but it didn't help. Any idears? (This did not happen to me at all)

Previously Promised Post

In this post, you'll see some of my work... don't laugh. Here is an ICP/RIE.

We use it a lot. In order to make it work, we need all of this:

You can see small shiny tubes running everywhere. The tubes carry various gases: Argon, Helium, Nitrogen, Oxygen, Octofluorocyclobutane, Sulfur Hexafluoride, Chlorine, Silane, and a couple of others. I did that. It took a while to measure and bend it all.

Occasionally, the ICP/RIE breaks. When that happens, I usually have to fix it. Recently, the part pictured below broke. (It turns out, more than one thing was probably broken, with one leading to the other) Incidentally, that thing is a RF (radio-frequency) AMU (auto-matching-unit). Basically, it connects an RF power supply to our system. In order to make sure the power goes efficiently from the generator into the system, it has to automatically adjust some doohickeys to match the impedances. Impedance is just a fancy kind of resistance, but it is fairly important. In order to replace it, I had to take it apart.

This is the RF AMU:

Here's a better look:

And now with that part on the ground, ready to really work on...

You can see some cylindrical bodies there in the box. Those are tunable vacuum capacitors. The top one seemed to be stuck in one position, so I replaced it. No dice. I could tell that the capacitor could move, now, but looking closely, I found that the machine didn't know it was moving. Eventually, I traced the problem to one of the bits hanging off the side (there are two motors and gearboxes and whatnot)-one of the gearboxes was bad. When I replaced that, everything was peachy.

First Second Baseman

Here is an actual screenshot of my junkmail folder. I noticed that the purported sender had the good sense to phish with the name "Fifth Third Bank." It reminds me of the "38th Church of Christ, Scientist," I saw in Simi Valley some time ago.

Minor Update

What's going on these days?

• Running 2 1/2 to 3 miles, every other day. No recurrence of knee problem, as yet.
• Playing The Elder Scrolls: Morrowind quite a bit. Getting near to completing it.
• Looking forward to reading the new Harry Potter book, which we've got pre-ordered.
• Not going shooting. What with a variety of things, it has been weeks. I need to lay off the diet coke before we go, though: it makes me kinda jittery.
• Enjoying the Pasadena weather. Not quite a proper spring, but it'll do in a pinch
• Listening to a bunch of music I haven't heard in a goodly while (my iPod has been largely battery-less for a long time, now, and I just reloaded onto computer several gigs of old tunes)
• Hungry (lunch in about an hour).
• Had to fix the ICP/RIE, which was a pain in the ass. I'll dig up some pictures of the things I had to deal with.
• Finally, after months, getting a working fiber aligner from New Focus (they sent a bad one, then returned it unfixed, the first time I sent it to be serviced).

Coming to Oregon

We'll be going home briefly next weekend, for the worst of reasons. My very dear friend Luther died in an accident this week. Friday night will be spent flying up for a memorial in his honor. He was a kind friend, and one of my "chosen" family: not by cause of birth, but by deed.

Cacophany

When I was a kid, there was usually a lot going on at home. With four children and their assorted friends, many pets, different activities, parents with less than perfect hearing, etc., the audio background level was often pretty high.

Upon leaving home, I often found myself in the position to enjoy some quiet. It got to the point that I could no longer abide the simultaneous use of music playing devices and the television (an old standby at home). Eventually, though, I discovered the internets.

Now, when I'm at my desk, I tend to listen to the news and music simultaneously. A reversion to olden times? Maybe. What I want to know, though, is if there's a way to send one to the left ear, and one to the right. I think I could get higher information transfer that way.

Best Band Name Ever (Courtesy of Susan)

My Unicorn Bride.

Tom was right

This is funny.

What Have We Been Up To?

Well, mostly the normal stuff:

• Diving at Anacapa.
• Shooting more, and getting the Handgun Safety Certificate Study Guide from the Attorney General of California, so we can purchase a sweet, sweet, pistol: the Sigarms P226.
• Eating at Gyu-Kaku, a yakiniku restaurant.
• Playing Fable, which we've had for about two years and haven't played for one.
• Working

Cool Stencil Technique

When we were on our honeymoon, we saw some spray paint artists using a nifty stenciling technique. In order to paint objects with interesting details, they used manila file-folders with the large object cut into one side, and the detail cut into the other. This way, they lined up very neatly, and it was simple business to paint elaborate tropical fishes, things with stylized shadings, etc.

Very fine!

Six things...finally

-Everytime I drive past a semi-truck I have to look and see that someone is actually driving it, thanks to the movie "Maximum Overdrive." -I can only read magazines from back to front. -When I laugh too hard, my eye twitches. On occassion, I snort. -When I go to resteraunts I have to organize the sugar packets by color, size and alphabetically. -If one of my hands or feet gets a drop of water on them I have to get a drop of water on the same spot on the other hand immediately. Same thing if one hand gets completely submersed, I must to the same to it's opposite. -Meat is my favorite food. I am practically a carnivore. Nay, I am a carnivore.

It Might Work.

During various waits in the cleanroom or at my desk during simulations, I've been reading in the final draft of FM3-24, the Army's and Marines' new counterinsurgency manual.

It would seem that General Petraeus and his other authors have a strong sense of the history of insurgent and counterinsurgent operations. There are many historical insurgencies discussed with what reads to be great facility.

The claim (and a reasonable one it is) is that one of the keys to defeating an insurgency is providing security for those who are not participants; the butcher, baker, and candlestick maker need to be able to go about their business and provide for their families.

Clearly, the bombs and murders in Iraq indicate that despite our troops being in Iraq, they may be located in the wrong places. We read in the papers and magazines and hear on CSPAN that most of the troops are currently located in either forward operating bases (FOBs) , or in other secured locations, and they sally forth to conduct tactical operations.

Strangely, this is probably both the safest and the least safe organization for our guys and ladies, depending on the time horizon. They (authors of FM3-24) say that in the short run, the situation is security punctuated by periods of danger, and in the long run, the situation is indefinite exposure to these periodic vulnerable moments--because we can't effectively provide security to the mass of people who are afraid of being exploded at the market or abducted at work and murdered in an alley, and without that security, the population won't turn out their assailants.

Therefore, it seems the plan that is being implemented is to put more troops in more immediate danger, with the idea that by allowing our troops to stay in the areas they secure, making connections with the populace, and building trust and incremental other improvements, the insurgents will lose the power of terror over the populace--the people will be free to collaborate with our forces in achieving their security.

The upshot of this plan is that in the short term, things are likely to get worse for our troops. More injuries and deaths. However, it may work. I don't know--it may be too late for a change tactics to achieve the goal of stability and safety in Iraq. I don't like the idea of more young men (and women; support troops will not be any safer than they have been) being asked to give the "final measure of devotion," but we've started another civil war that may lead to another Rwanda... I worry that with the current civilian leadership in the White House, we can never expect better results. If someone else were there, I might be able to advocate the extra troops and more time... but I can't trust our current Executive; they've been wrong on too many occasions.

A Couple of Things

1. Thing the first
1. Megan, you should do the "six things." Dad, Mom, Sis, anyone else, please also join in in comments.
2. Thing the second

When she was perhaps 6 years old, Megan did a really funnny thing. One summer day, Melissa and Matt were not, for whatever reason, home. Mom and Dad went off early to hit the yard sales, leaving Megan and me at home. I was a teenager and usually spent a goodly portion of Saturday and Sunday sleeping (making up for the lateness of my weekday reading). Megan, not realizing I was home, got a bit worried... and called 911.

I woke up when I sherrif's deputy stuck his head in my bedroom door (hand on gun), and asked if I lived there, and if my parents were around... I explained things, got out of bed, and gave Megan a bit of a hard time for it. I figured that now she's all grown, I should bring it up again, and supply a bit of perspective.

Note: This is not an invitation for any parents to spill stories of my own foibles, many though they be.

6 Weird Things About Me

Susan has "invited" me to participate in this "meme." (I think it's a misuse of the word, but whatevs). Here you go:

• Clean Messes: I don't mind a certain amount of messiness... so long as edges of objects in the mess are parallel and not askew.
• Stubbornly Refuse Recommendations: Basically, if more than one person (or the same person more than once) recommends something to me forcefully, I will refuse it. I don't know why, but it seems like badgering, and I hate badgers.
• Afraid of Heights But Love to Fly, Ride Rollercoasters, Climb Things: Go figure. I'm terrified when I look over high edges, or drive near ravines, cliffs, etc.
• Life Sized Cardboard Cutouts and People in Animal Suits Disturb Me: I just get the willies!
• Tremor: I have one. Have had for years.
• Periodic Teeth-clenching Whilst In Transit: I clench my teeth (gently) whenever I pass between dots on a dotted-line road.

Weird, I know.

We need legislation to stop illegal immigration

Thus read a letter to the editor in Saturday's Daily Courier. Pardon me, but isn't legistlation implied in the fact that it is illegal? This guy just hates Mexicans. Speaking of letters to the editor hating Mexicans-we got a funny one for The Byline. Apparantly there is this crazy man who hangs around the campus in Medford and he wrote a letter regarding the Mexican Cartel in Medford and how they are dealing ''. I am guessing he meant 'pathenogens', but that still doesn't make sense.

Donnie Darko

Susan seemed to like the movie quite a bit--at least that is what she claims--but I did not really care that much for it. I couldn't really say why...

We can explore my reaction to Susan's points.

1. Beautifully shot: First off, I do agree that it was beautifully shot. The visuals were quite striking. I didn't really notice the score at all, but then I rarely do. Unless it is like one of those movies from the "Golden Age of Cinema," full of orchestral music recorded at much, much too high a level.
2. Paranoid schitzophrenic: This may well have been the thing that made me not like the movie. It was disturbing. Note that I won't say that it was a bad movie. Just that I didn't like it.
3. The pseudoreality concept: I'm not generally against pseudoreality in film or print. I didn't like Owl Creek, either, though.

I don't know... de gustibus, I guess.

I am the Picture of Health

Contra my recent post, eh? Leaving aside my many sicknesses of late, I've recently had (most of) a "guerrilla physical.^*"

My heart and lungs are in good health: bp 110/75, resting heart rate 68, no untoward lung-sounds, total cholesterol level 128mg/dL, with approximately equal HDL and LDL levels. My kidneys and liver are functioning just fine: kidney and liver enzyme levels nominal. My blood is healthy: electrolyte levels are nominal, hematocrit, hemoglobin, red- and white-blood cell count and volume all fine. My ears, nose, throat, and eyeballs are all okay: all normal and healthy, though I'm now getting a very minor astigmatism (for which I'll be getting some glasses).

^* The student health center at school doesn't give physicals, so I had to make several visits and request a variety of examinations to make up my "guerrilla physical."

She says...

We watched Donnie Darko last night (first time for me, second time for Tom). I am not going to deny that it is an exceedingly strange and messed up movie. It is most definitely that. Disturbing, too. However, I liked it. I liked it for the following reasons:

1) It was beautifully shot.
I have to say that this was one of the prettier films I've seen in a while. In the opening sequence, we're swept along a mountain road, panning out over the valley as the sun rises. The musical score was affecting without being overbearing, I think, which added some level of intensity to the images.

2) I haven't seen too many movies that tell the story from the point of view of a paranoid schizophrenic.
And A Beautiful Mind this ain't. Not that I have any first-hand experience with schizophrenia, so I cannot attest to the validity of this portrayal, but it was interesting to watch "reality" unfold as the main character perceives it. At times he even knows what he is seeing and interacting with isn't real, but you can understand how he gets sucked into believing it anyway.

3) It seems that I dig the whole "pseudoreality" concept.
I enjoyed Ambrose Bierce's short story Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge when I read it in high school. This movie was very similar in its basic structure. It may not be the most meaningful or intellectually stimulating of plot types, but whatever. I like it, even if that makes me some kind of dolt. ;)

Perhaps now Tom might weigh in on why he didn't/doesn't like this movie...

Honeybooks

Books read over the honeymoon:

• 1968:The Year That Rocked the World, by Mark Kurlansky
• Casino Royale.
• Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs:A Low Culture Manifesto, by Chuck Klosterman.
• The Moon is a Harsh Mistress, by Robert Heinlein
• Inside Delta Force: The Story of America's Elite Counterterrorist Unit, by Eric Haney
• Snow Crash, by Neal Stephenson
• Mort, by Terry Pratchett
• Wigfield: The Can-Do Town That Just May Not, by Amy Sedaris, et al.

A Fun Idea

For some time, I've liked the idea of a "network" based on "syndicating" TV shows that were canceled before their times. For example, they might run Freeks and Geeks, Firefly, Undeclared, Sports Night, Arrested Development, and My So Called Life . Unfortunately, it would seem that most cancelled shows are quite terrible.

Sick Tour

Since about New Year's Eve, I've been, one way or another, ill. A list of symptoms I have experienced

• GI distress
• Fever
• Chills
• Aches
• Sensitive skin
• Conjunctivitis
• Fever
• Chills
• Sore throat
• Congestion
• Fatigue

I think I even had a little bit of hysterical pregnancy yesterday.

It's interesting because I generally only have one or two symptoms, not all in a row. Oh- did I fail to mention that these were kind of all "lined-up," and not simultaneous?

Life, Art, Etc.

There are too many monkeyfarmin' scorpions on this monkeyfarmin' plane!

Sublime and Not

First, the sublime: I heart the iPhone. Just look at it! It's like a space-ship! That you use as a phone!

Now, the not: At CES, Bill Gates had a very important announcement.

Our ambition is to give you connected experiences 24 hours a day.... And in thinking about that broadly, one area that comes up that clearly demand [sic] special work, and that is thinking about connecting to the car...

But the car is special. You've got to have things that are simple. (like a computer)

And so we've been investing in this, and we've had a very key partner who's been willing to pioneer this with us, and we're just making a significant announcement in that overall vision today. And so to help me with that, I'd like to welcome Mark Fields, the president of the Americas for Ford Motor Company, to join me on stage. (Applause.)

MARK FIELDS: Hi, Bill.

BILL GATES: Welcome, Mark.

...

MARK FIELDS: The new thing is a fully integrated, voice activated, in-car communications and entertainment system for mobile phones and digital music players...

So what Synch does is it totally integrates like never before all of your electronic devices, like your cell phones, Zunes, iPods, all the things that are in your pockets when you get in your car, right into the vehicle, and seamlessly...

Yes, what a good idea. We should let Microsoft get its tentacles into our cars. It won't be long before the following joke doesn't make the software guy look bad:

Four engineers were driving a car. There was a chemical engineer, a mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a software engineer. Suddenly, the engine died and it coasted to a stop on the shoulder.

"Must be vapor lock", said the chemical engineer.

"The distributor's probably shot", said the electrical engineer.

"The timing belt broke", opined the mechanical engineer.

Then the software engineer spoke up. "Look, everyone calm down. Let's just get out of the car, then get back in and start it back up."

The Halls are Decked

Though Tom would have you believe otherwise, he really can be quite the festive fellow, as when he hung up our Christmas cards yestereve.

952

Nine hundred and fifty-two times, now, have we gone through this process together, Dear Reader.

Lately I have not had too much to say on the blog. Partially this is because things have been pretty busy, what with work and the approach of the holidays (and our long-awaited honeymoon in Cancun). Partially this is because I'm not sure what I want to write. I feel like I'd like to write more substantive things, but long disuse has blunted my written faculties--at least so far as non-technical communications are considered.

Perhaps I could write a bit more about my work, or about science that comes up in the news, or in my daily travels through the Internet-tubes. On the one hand, I realize some of you are curious about what I do, or what I'm doing. To this, I say: I assure you, some real work is required to make describing it anything other than a mind-numbing assault. Still, if the people want bread and circuses... On the other hand, I'm not sure if anyone cares about science.

What say you?

Stripper Names

It is commonly held that strippers tend to have strange names like Candy, or Peaches, or Cinnamon. To me, it seems like the theme there is "things you can eat," reinforcing the perception of exotic dancers as "meat," or some kind of consumable or comestible...

I wonder if the same theme were applied to male strippers, what names might result? Maybe... Basil, or Spud, or Frank?

Suggestions needed

To title my monthly, obligitory editorial. Any thoughts? And please, no alliteration, cliche phrases, or references to Star Trek. Actually, the latter might be OK. But nothing with my name in it like "Megan's Musings." (Dad.....)

Finally Finish My Robot... My Lego Robot.

At long last, I have it... the Lego Mindstorms kit. Growing up, you may recall, I had a great fondness for Legos. My dad's feet will likely provide eloquent testimony to that effect.

Now, I've got the ability to add life to my creations... and feet that will likely attest to the dangers of tiny, molded, ABS blocks.

I should add that it was a super-cool present from Susan, for my birthday. Also neat, my parents gave me this crazy book about the dust bowl (brought to you by Swiffer?), my parents-in-law gave me a gift card for Amazon (mmm... booooks (my impersonation of a book zombie))... there were other gifts, and thanks to all-- I'm too lucky!

Do Not Look Into Laser With Remaining Good Eye

So went a sign posted on someone's door at the U of O. I can't recall who, but he was obviously a laser jock of some kind. I was going to write "laser jockey," but that phrase seemed too silly. I imagined a small man, colorfully dressed, applying a crop to the side of a big ol' Spectra-Physics Argon ion laser.

I've gotten a laser beam or two in the eye, but never anything serious. I recently built a little experimental setup wherein I used a Helium-Neon laser (that's just a little tube of He and Ne gas with some cool excitation and mirrors around the tube) to line everything up. I noticed that my wedding ring is extremely, extremely, reflective. So much so that if I use any high power lasers, you bet I'll be covering that thing up for the duration of the work!

Dave Barry says it so much better

Click here to read Dave Barry's Blub Story.

Help a brutha out

As you know, I sold my soul to get a paycheck from Blockbuster. I understand that Tom and Susan are Netflix subscribers. This makes us enemies. This can be prevented, however, by activiating a two-week free trail with Blockbuster Total Access, and entering my store code, 41114B, so our store can get a credit for it. You can cancel it after a week (you have to have it a least a day for the activation to process). Pleeease, our store sucks and we need more activations.

Edit That Paper!

Now, can it be obtained online?

CLARIFYING UPDATE: Meg is now the editor for the Rogue Community College paper (Redwood Campus)... it wasn't a command to undisclosed persons, or anything.

A Word I'd Never Heard Before

Hoboerotic.

Just When You Thought it Was Safe to Go Back to the Outhouse

According to the Wikipedia, during the first four decades of the twentieth century, 90% of Black Widow (Latrodectus Whicheverus) bites reported in the United States were to male genitalia. Gah!

That's what happens when we lose our biblical roots and try man-on-spider sex. Were Rick Santorum still a senator, I'm certain he'd be glad to bloviate about how those Widow-bites were purely the consequencves of gay marriage.

I Prefer Pi

In the Bible, (1 Kings 7:23), we find that the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter is 3. A traditional estimate (possibly, though probably not) due to Archimedes, gives Pi as 22/7. An old Chinese estimate gives Pi as 355⁄113. Just letting you know.

Never thought I'd be saying this, but...

...preach on, Willie!

Breathe Deep and Slow. Don't Stop, or Your Lungs Will Either Collapse or Pop.

Sound a bit freaky? Well, we did it allll weekend, descending at one point to 100 feet beneath the ocean's surface. We dove at night, carrying souped-up flashlights into the deep with us... We dove with cameras to a shipwreck... and other groovy things. The upshot is that we're both now Advanced Open Water Divers. Tired, sore, and a wee bit rashy, A.O.W.D's.

We had a grand time, but were both so glad to sleep in our comfy bed- not to mention having a shower and fresh, clean, clothes.

Kim Jong Il has nuclear arms

Phew!

I am plum tired. Blockbuster rocks, but sucks because people hate you. It's okay, I don't blame them. I'd hate me too if I was smothered with the same speel every time a CSR came to greet me. On the bright side, I got a scholarship through student government and got almost my whole year paid off!! Too bad Blockbuster has eaten all my brain cells.

What... the... hell?

Now, it is well known that Brookstone is the center of all evil. What is slightly less well known is that they also make a mean horsey-riding-exercise-chair, of which they are notably proud. We saw this monstrosity at the mall today while in search of a swimming cap for Susan. She tried it (and deemed its "gaits" highly unrealistic), I tried it, and a fine time was had by all.

Who doesn't love a singing bunny

Flash update!

So here is a quick update: -I am now employed by Blockbuster -I am really cool(in case you forgot) -I am on the staff of The Byline, RCC's newspaper -I the Publicity Director for ASRCC -I am currently driving a Volkswagon Fox, which is a real piecer That's all for now

Awww.... Creepy

This clothing line is at once highly disturbing and saccharine-sweet. Like kittens with blank zombie eyes. Speaking of zombies, have you heard of the Uncanny Valley?

I wonder...

Do you think Richard Branson will adopt me? Because I'm sure he would let his most favorite adopted daughter and son-in-law ride in his spaceship, and that would be awesome.

Formatting

Hello you all guys folks... how do you like the new look?

The Other Other Cured White Meat

At Geekpress we find a link to a story about the coming robot wars:

When a reporter's hand was placed against the robot's taste sensor, it was identified as prosciutto. A cameraman was mistaken for bacon.

Yep. To the robots, we're a tender, salty treat. For our protection, I propose that we append to the Three Laws of Robotics an additional measure, making them, in all:

1. A robot may not harm a human being, or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. A robot must obey the orders given to it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3. A robot must protect its own existence, as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
All New!!--
4. And every beast that parteth the hoof, and cleaveth the cleft into two claws, and cheweth the cud among the beasts, that ye shall eat.

Or we could just make sure they stick with prescription medications...

Unbloggable

This has been occupying me today... I've not got all that much to say. Have been trying to force myself to blog, but can't seem to work up the momentum.

Hey! Drunk Chinese guy!

Dude, don't bite panda bears. Instead, you should be nice to them. Give them quarters.

Slate's "Bushism of the Day" from Yesterday

"You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror."
—Interview with CBS News, Washington D.C., Sept. 6, 2006

Ya think?!

Ultimate Showdown

This is weird and stupid and hilarious. Watch it (flash animation, worth downloading flash, if you don't have it).

Soda 'splosion

So after seeing it on mythbusters, I had to try it. I dropped 3 mentos into a two liter of diet Pepsi. However, instead of the ten foot geiser that I was expecting, it was merely a syrupy overflow. I should have dropped like a million in, but I didn't have that many mentos.

MSHS - Home of the Fighting...Windows?

I'll be interested to see how this turns out. Apparently, Microsoft helped design a high school in Philadelphia. Seems like there are quite a few good ideas incorporated into the design, but I wonder how it will all work in practice. It'll be very cool if it succeeds.

A Nice Piece About Quantum Mechanics

This lays things out rather nicely.

Uh oh...

See link from last week.
Then see this.

At least it was just the primary. But still...I am ill at ease.

Kids' TV ain't what it used to be

Yet another ringing endorsement of Blue's Clues and its ilk. I'm pretty sure watching these shows must organically manufacture crack in the viewer's brain.

Crikey

Poor Steve Irwin. He's gone to hunt the big crocodile in the sky.

Sentimental

I miss autumn...

My favorite season, back home--where there is one--falls (ahem) like a curtain. Cool, even chill evenings mark a welcome contrast to the sometimes hot days. There're foggy mornings, the occasional rain. Trees prepare to winter, shedding their leafy vulnerabilities. In many a place, the fallen leaves form a thick carpet that will last until spring, or until the alternating freezes and rains of winter dissolve them; oftentimes there are too many to manage with a rake.

I also miss the rituals that are associated with the fall. Going "back" to school. Football games on Friday nights, where your instrument is so cold that it burns your lips or fingers. Soccer practice in the pouring rain, winning or losing games--and waking up on the ride home with the foul taste of stale McDonald's and an hour of mouthbreathing pasted to your tongue... the condensation from 15 tired teens' breaths on the bus windows.

Strangely, given my prolonged stay in the halls of academe, I miss the rhythms of the school year. That I grew up responding to them, resonating to them, possibly explains how I can miss their absence from even so short a distance. There was always a certain promise for me in those places, even when I ached to be gone from them.

Today's the first of September, and the beginning of the long weekend that tradition marks as the last of the summer. I've very often let these things go unmarked since I grew up, to the extent that you might think I've forgotten, or was somehow unaware. You'd be wrong. I've known.

Amen

Fred Kaplan's latest is very good and, as always, pokes giant holes in the fever-swamp rhetoric that has taken hold in the White House.

In his speech this morning before the American Legion's national convention, President George W. Bush may have gone a bridge too far. It was the first of several speeches he plans to deliver in the coming days to rally support for the war in Iraq (and, not incidentally, for Republicans in November). But one passage in particular reveals that the campaign is getting desperate:

The security of the civilized world depends on victory in the war on terror, and that depends on victory in Iraq.

Here's the question: Does anybody believe this? If you do, then you must ask the president why he hasn't reactivated the draft, printed war bonds, doubled the military budget, and strenuously rallied allies to the cause. Click Here!

If, as he said in this speech, the war in Iraq really is the front line in "the decisive ideological struggle of the 21st century"; if our foes there are the "successors to Fascists, to Nazis, to Communists"; if victory is "as important" as it was in Omaha Beach and Guadalcanal—then those are just some of the steps that a committed president would feel justified in demanding.

If, as he also said, terrorism takes hold in hotbeds of stagnation and despair, then you must also ask the president why he hasn't requested tens or hundreds of billions of dollars for aid and investment in the Middle East to promote hope and livelihoods.

When Bluejays Attack!

Today at lunch I was sitting in the courtyard of the Watson building with Kartik, Matt, Raviv, and Patrick (Patrick you may not recognize, as he is a SURF student with whom I've done some work this summer). We had all finished eating and were shooting the bull when a praying mantis leapt off the nearby windows and flew at Matt's and then Kartik's head!

After a few seconds of winged terror, it settled down on our table, leering mantis-ly at Raviv. The enormous eyes of the mantis were so easy to follow that their direction revealed that it's gaze followed Raviv intently... and it really is unclear why.

After a few dozen seconds of Raviv-tracking, the mantis grew tired of his Israeli-Amerian ways, and launched again into flight, laboriously crossing the courtyard.

Approximately one-half way across the courtyard, the mantis was mercilessly intercepted by a half-tamed bluejay that a janitor-lady feeds peanuts daily. Generally, this fat and sloppy bluejay is just plain screwed by nature, and relies exclusively on weird janitor-lady for its comparitive advantage.

Today, however, this jay was in harmony with its nature; the badly flying-mantis reached the halfway point through the courtyard and the jay intercepted it!

Like it was an interception in a football game, all the guys cheered! I kind of felt badly for the mantis, but it was very exciting...

What's better than Oreo cookies?

Deep-fried Oreo cookies, apparently.

Nuttier than the stock room at the Mr. Goodbar factory

And now a few words from Katherine "Kuh-razypants" Harris:

Separation of church and state is "a lie we have been told," Harris said in the interview, published Thursday, saying separating religion and politics is "wrong because God is the one who chooses our rulers."

"If you're not electing Christians, then in essence you are going to legislate sin," Harris said.

Buh?

Lysol Is Impressive

Lysol seems to be able to kill just about anything; gram positive, gram negative, and even MRSA!

Awwww

Cute Overload

Moo, Moah, Maou, Moo-eh?

This just in: apparently, cows have accents too.

Wow... Who Knew?

About shaved alpacas?. Found here.

There Are X On This Melontrucking Y!

A Very Special Episode Where X = Bicyclists, and Y = Sidewalk

I got smacked into by a car today on my way into school from Max's (I was feeding his cat while he is away for most of the week). I'm fine; the lady was stopping... just not quite soon enough for my tastes.

This is the danger of doing anything on the sidewalks down here: it would never occur to drivers here that conveyances other than cars (or SUVs, really) might exist. As such, even when you're right in front of them, they don't see you. It's like the strong version of the Sapir-Worf hypothesis for traffic.

Anyway,that isn't even the really galling part. The thing that really irked me was that some jerkface stopped in the line of traffic along that street turned and yelled at me. Indeed, how dare I use a sidewalk when that car desperately needed it!?!

I'm fortunate, in that the street where this took place has very high curbs and sidewalks- if you drive out into the street (completely, not just with pedestrian-crushing-style-non-stoppage) too fast, you'll lose your muffler and maybe your oilpan... So at least this scurvy wench (it was a woman on her way to the California School of Culinary Arts) was going to halt at some point within plus or minus 3' or so of my location.

The vociferous meathead was fortunate in that I was too busy bawling out my assailant to dig into my backpack and break his freaking window with a can of Diet Coke (aka 0 calories of fury!).

There Are X On This Monkeyfarming Y!

In the spirit of Snakes On A Plane, what are some alternate scenarios that they might incorporate in future sequels?

Here are a few (X,Y) pairs:

• Locusts,Rascal
• Centipedes,Monorail
• Ducks,Razor Scooter

Etc. People?

Enough of Geometry, Let us See if Donuts are Like Frogs.

A couple of weeks ago, while Susan and I drove to San Diego, we heard a story on the radio concerning an interesting event in mathematics. You see, a prominent Russian mathematician has claimed that he has proved Poincaré's Conjecture.

Poincaré's Conjecture is a topological claim; the famous mathematician was concerned with the nature of shapes and spaces and the shapes of spaces-- topology.

While the idea of topology is a bit hard to get across, we can picture it like so: what makes a sphere a sphere and not a torus? Or, how is a donut like a frog? Well, a donut is like a frog in that each has one continuous hole through it (disregarding nostrils, I suppose (not that donuts have nostrils)).

That's the essence of Poincaré's Conjecture. Stated more mathily, if all closed lines on a surface can be contracted to a point without cutting the surface or the line, the surface is a sphere.

From this article in the Times, we learn that this fellow seems to have proved a more general result, and in the process, completes the proof of P's C. It seems to be fiendishly complicated, and 1000 pages long, so they may be a while yet in verifying it... but apparently the prognosis is excellent.

On another note, I'd like to say that this sentence is strange:

Asked about Dr. Perelman’s pleasures, Dr. Anderson said that he talked a lot about hiking in the woods near St. Petersburg looking for mushrooms.

"Asked about [his] pleasures?" Really? That phrasing sounds like someone's been reading too much high-falutin' English literature.

High School Geometry, Writ Large

Via Geekpress, some neat photos of crop circles here, and a library with photos dating back to 1990 here. It's truly impressive what people can do.

And now for something completely adorable

Check out the chiuahua/rat terrier drug-sniffing dog. Her little police vest is ridiculously cute (scroll through and look at the last photo).

Bride-finding Tours of the Ukraine: Creepy as Hell

This article in Harpers weirds me out... Below is an excerpt about a guy who probably has people-parts in his refrigerator.

Later that night, after a few hours of note-taking in my room, I made one last pass through the bar and found another of our group, a Midwestener whose construction company built guard booths for the Army. Even though it was well past midnight on what had been a grueling day of travel, the tie under his sweater retained its crisp knot and his gray hair was immaculately parted.

“Looks like there are a few professional women out in the lobby,” he said at almost the moment I sat down to join him. “Do you know how much they are? Do you think $100 would do it?” When I suggested he simply go outside and ask, he walked off into the lobby to do just that—leaving me alone in mid-sentence—only to return moments later. “The pretty one got in the elevator,” he muttered. “The others were a little chunky. So you don’t know how much for one of them, huh?”

He told me with a clinical chill in his voice about the time he had gone to Mexico on business and seen “The Donkey Show,” in which a female performer fellates and then copulates with a donkey. “I didn’t know a woman could take a donkey,” he said. “But she did. She took it.” He informed me that in Mexico the hookers had cost $40. When I asked him if he was really here in Ukraine looking for a wife, he just shrugged.

The next day, on a guided walking tour of downtown Kiev, I approached him and asked whether he had gotten an answer to his question. In that same toneless voice he informed me that he had eventually hired one of the hotel prostitutes for $130 an hour and before I could stop him told me in graphic detail about what they’d done and, worse, what she would not do. Then a stray dog trotted past. “Oh!” he exclaimed, turning away from me suddenly and bending to hold out his hand with a radiant, ear-to-ear smile. “Look at the little puppy! Yee-ess! Who’s a cute little puppy?”

Awww... look at the budding serial killer! Who's a nice little psycho-pants? You are! You! Awww

Houdini Eats Electric Blanket

That's a python named Houdini, by the way. Guess he didn't think he had enough fiber in his diet.

Just when you thought you'd seen it all...

Cats That Look Like Hitler

Click on the "Best Kitlers" link on the left. The very first cat bears a somewhat disturbing resemblance.

It Was a Dark and Stormy Knight?

Sir Gawain and the grim knight? Heathcliff of Thrushcross? Here's a story about something that always gives me a smile: the annual bad writing contest. Named after Ed Bulwer-Lytton, the contest invites any and all to submit their most heinous prose for consideration.

Here's the winner in the children's lit division:

Winner: Children's Literature

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe who had so much equity (because our story, dear children, is set in Miami's hot real estate market) that she upgraded the exterior to blue suede siding as a tribute to her idol, Elvis, moved her kids to a bootee out back, and then reopened the place as the "Are You Lonesome Tonight?" motel (but you'll have to wait until you're 18 to read any further).

Barbara Bridges Sierra Madre, CA

World Cup Directors Dragged Through The Streets

Is what the headlines would read if there was any justice. Madmen, filling the frame with a single player in the middle and attacking thirds. What the hell are you thinking? Did you not know that in order to see the play, we need to see more than one guy?

Wouldn't you think that they'd release the camera feeds more or less raw so that I don't get the same craptacular coverage on ABC, Univision, and the Taiwanese channel? For the love of god! Please! It can't possibly be the case that one insane producer gets to wreck my entire final-viewing experience, can it? Wait. It can be.

Oh, well. At least they showed Zidane head-butting that dude.

What the hell did Zidane do that for? He apparently went off his rocker, or something.

Tomorrow's Forecast...

Sunny with a chance of cactuses. Oh joy.

Well whadya freaking know?

Best cure ever.

Crazy Linda Hirshman may have a point

Okay. Yesterday I read this Slate review of Hirshman's new book, Get to Work: A Manifesto for Women of the World, and while I think she definitely goes too far by saying it's socially irresponsible for women to leave the workplace to stay home with their kids, I also think she raises some perfectly valid points. Or the reviewer does, at any rate.

1) A recent study found that a full 93 percent of "highly qualified" women who have opted out [of their jobs] want to find a way back in and can't. And, according to several studies, women in the United States suffer a 10 to 15 percent dock in future earnings when they have children—a drop that doesn't affect men.
I worry about this one for myself, particularly working in the sciences, where recent experience and study is key. Granted, I've seen plenty of women go back to work after taking time (as in several years) off to raise kids, but do they all go back doing what they wanted to do before? Some do, I'm sure, but not all.

2) Affluent and well-educated men rarely leave the workforce (and when they do, it's usually to return to school or start a business); a portion of affluent and well-educated women do opt out (and when they do, it's almost exclusively to raise children). When these women choose to devote their skills to childcare rather than to the workplace, they are "perpetuating a mostly male ruling class" — precisely the type unlikely to help make the case for more flexible work arrangements that would allow more women back into the workforce.
I firmly believe that if by some genetic mutation, men suddenly became the bearers and birthers of children, we would see daycare centers open up overnight in every law firm, every bank office, every pharmaceutical company, etc., etc. I don't really like to buy into the shrill feminist cry about those darned male opressors, but sometimes the proof is, as they say, in the pudding. Or the profit sharing. There are a lot more men in high-paying jobs than there are women, and if all those men suddenly wanted to be able to bring their babies in to the office and take 10-minute nursing breaks every couple of hours, while still being able to do their jobs and contribute to the company, I think it would happen. Yeah, I know it's not exactly practical to have child care services at every place of business (mines, lumberyards, restaurants, hog farms), but for the ones where it's not utterly insane to do so, why not? Besides, every daycare center needs employees, so you're creating jobs in the process. It's a win-win.

3) If women really do stay in the work force, even part-time, a few decades from now it may be easier for parents to opt out according to their personal preferences, rather than their gender. If one parent didn't want to assume the bulk of the child-care duties, as may well be the case, two could split it. The demand for elastic or part-time work by men and women alike would lead to more flexible jobs.
Sometimes the only way to get what you want is to force change. I'm not sure this will do it, but it's worth a try. The one thing I'm not sure about here is whether or not both partners working part-time can bring in enough income to do things like save for retirement and buy a house and pay for their kids' college tuition. Then again, I guess if you're working part-time at $35/hour, it's not so bad. (Good luck finding a gig like that now, though.)

I do resent Hirshman's implication that child-rearing isn't really 'valid work,' but I also know that it's not going to be all that long before I'll be at that work-or-kids crossroads myself, and while I can't imagine that either Tom or I will want to miss out entirely on all the 'firsts' of our offspring, I also can see myself losing my mind if I have to stay home full-time. I'd sure like the option of being able to work a few days a week in a job I felt was worthwhile and mentally stimulating. (I'm not saying that raising kids isn't worthwhile and mentally stimulating, but rather that I would not want to leave the house a few days a week to work at WalMart.) The whole issue certainly bears thinking about.

Of course, it's entirely possible the woman's completely guano after all:

She advises women to marry only men who will commit to a 50 percent housework/childrearing division of labor — or else to engage in a reproductive strike, limiting the number of children to one. And she counsels — so much for l'amour! — that young women marry only much older men or men who earn less than they do, in order to have more economic bargaining power.

When political correctness attacks

The quote in the last paragraph of this article about new Alzheimer's research made me chuckle:

If you don't keep yourself mentally challenged, your brain cells may die off.

D'oh.

Cellular Automata

So there's this guy. Called Stephen Wolfram. He's English (don't blame him). A child prodigy. He gets a degree in theoretical physics at 17, his Ph.D. from Caltech at 20, and a MacArthur "Genius Grant" at 21. He invents what is possibly one of the finest computer algebra systems the world ever sees, and never has to work again... if he doesn't want to.

But he does. He slaves away in his (probably very, very, fine) den or home office, working on his magnum opus. Eventually he'll call it "A New Kind Of Science," and alienate his peers with his sweeping pronouncements and his bizarrely confrontational writing style (he didn't cite in the text, as is conventional in the fields of science and mathematics, but rather in an absurdly outsized appendix). It'll be printed by his own company, rather than a conventional science publisher, and elicit many... less than perfectly pleased reviews.

In it, he'll discuss why discrete systems (using finitely divided time and/or space dimension) are just as interesting-if not as more than-continuous systems. Particularly, he will discuss the cellular automaton. This is an interesting creature, wherein its behavior is regulated by a verrrry simple rule: that of iterated matrix-multiplication. This is fun stuff, but not exactly world-beating.

Now, however, he-or his disciples-have set it all to music. You, too, can be the beneficiary of Wolfram's unlimited largesse. Go here to get funky on the cellular automata like an old batch of eigenvalues.

In case you didn't know, I read his book on the plane back from London one time... I'm pretty sure the dude has gone 'round the bend. I think he's absolutely brilliant, and completely, bat-shit, crazy.

Congress = poopyheads, Me = angerball

Congresspeoples, you should be ashamed of yourselves. You gave yourselves a hefty raise, just as you have done almost every year for the past decade, and then you turned around and refused to raise minimum wage a week later. You suck. The minimum wage has not kept up with inflation, you morons. Raising it by a couple of dollars an hour is not going to destroy our economy. Gah!

Well Done, Colbert Report Writers: Big Government vs. Small Government

"Mentioning Jesus in a speech is "small government". Actually doing what Jesus asked? Big government." [clap clap clap]

Oh. My. God.

Via Slate:

President Bush: Peter. Are you going to ask that question with shades on?
Peter Wallsten of the Los Angeles Times: I can take them off.
Bush: I'm interested in the shade look, seriously.
Wallsten: All right, I'll keep it, then.
Bush: For the viewers, there's no sun.
Wallsten: I guess it depends on your perspective.
Bush: Touché.

—Exchange with legally blind reporter Peter Wallsten, to whom Bush later apologized, Washington, D.C., June 14, 2006

How's about I cut that fat off with my toothbrush shiv instead?

How's this for a disturbing trend?

In the last two to three years, liposuction, once used predominantly to reduce the flabby abdomens, hips and thighs of average Americans, has become a tool to enhance the near-perfect body parts of the already fit.

For this designer-body approach, an increasing number of doctors are using a technique known variously as precision, selective or micro liposuction. The goal is to remove an ounce or three of fat from ankles, knees, chins, necks, backs and upper arms, according to some prominent plastic surgeons and dermatologists.

And this lady clearly ought to be shot.

"By normal standards, I'm pretty skinny," said Ms. Goss, 38. She is 5-foot-10 and weighs 126 pounds, she said. "But my arms were getting a little flappy. I could feel it wiggle every time I shook hands."

It's a sad day indeed when unrealistically "perfect" bodies are so (surgically) attainable that they actually threaten to become the norm. We just watched a Doogie Howser episode from 1989 that dealt with this very thing, so it's not exactly a new idea. However, the woman in that episode was portrayed as something of a maniac with clear mental issues, and the women undergoing micro-lipo today are merely seen as members of a somewhat silly trend.

Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler?

Ah, my foot is in the door. Finally, I have made the first step towards adulthood. I have a 'real' job. Today, I filed bright pink invoices for 4 hours. Yesterday, I filed them for 8. And what is the real adult world without the traditional terrible, irreversible mistake? I accidentally deleted hundreds of pages of check reports. Ooops! Well, shit happens. And where there is shit, there is more shit. I also broke the paper shredder on my first day, and then today I jammed the electric hole puncher. Speaking of electric, pretty much all office supply's now a-day's are electric. They even have electric staplers, and machines that seal envelopes for them. I guess people are too lazy to slam a stapler anymore, and they don't like the taste of envelope glue. Meh. I personally like the monotony of filing without the electricity. Pick up the paper, slam the hole punch, cram into file, repeat. Plus, when you are doing something so eyebleedingly boring its nice to have something to hit that is built for pissed off office ladies-like staplers. This afternoon I was able to go on the field, as I like to call it (which really means drove around our 12 blocks of town) and evaluated alley ways. It was actually more fun than it seems, mainly because navigating the map in itself was a feat. But, I was also able to listen to music in my car and stop for coffee, and I get reimbursed for the gas and wear-and-tear on my 16 year old subaru. Plus, I discovered a few new alley ways that are quite charming that I never knew existed. Some of them are pretty charming, actually, in a creepy, almost sweet Jeunet sort of way. Anywho, my job is pretty nice, and I hear the filing should end by Monday when I actually get to start my department; Utilities. If I don't, then I guess I will cut off my own toes. Another plus is that I get an hour long lunch. I am there for nine hours, but its nice to be able to sit and relax, which I haven't been able to do with past jobs. I've been going down to the coffee house because they have been playing the World Cup on their pretty flat screen t.v's. It's pretty rad. And what's with the lack of posting? The last three have been from me. What's the deal hosers?

Those kindergardener's must be really mean.

Headline in today's Mail Tribune: Principal Roofs it for Rabid readers.

Patrick at his finest

Let's do the time warp, for the first time?

Hey! I was voted by my senior class as the most likely to invent a time machine, and my price was a magnetic building kit. Cool! Everyone knows colorful plastic sticks and magnetic balls are essential to time travel. Also, I'm a genius. It was probably just because people think I am weird. If there had been a "Most Weird" category, I would have won it, hands down. Or possibly a "Best Ninja" category, I had a clear shot at that one. I guess you just settle for what you get. But what I really should have been voted was, "Most Procrastinating AP Student That Surprised Everyone With Her Ability To Graduate By Not Doing Anything. Ever."

Little Old Lady Got Mutilated Late Last Night

This sentence has a really interesting sound to it, don't you think? Just listen to the sounds, not the words.

Score-ola!

Today was my last day of high school, and I expect cards (filled with money).

Oh boy! "Real" jobs are fun!

When I started in this department...

Purchasing Director: "The previous supervisor spent too much money on material and kept way too much stock, which expired and became waste. You must adopt a more lean purchasing strategy!"
Me: "You betcha!"

About two months ago...

Purchasing Director: "You must not keep running short on material! Increase your minimum stock requirements!"
Me: "Um...ok, I can do that. Aye-aye, sir!"

Today...

Purchasing Director: "We blew the receipts budget last month. Submit an expenditures estimate and aim to cut back on purchases for next month!"
Me: "You're kidding, right?"

Don't Worry Cam, I can Teach you Fire Safety

This one time, at Cam's house, I sorta-kinda fell asleep on the couch while we were watching TV. Apparently I started talking in my sleep. I said, aloud, "Don't worry Cam, I can teach you fire safety." And I mentioned something about not wanting to bake a cake.

Fast forward a few years. Cameron ends up working for a wildland firefighting firm. Who's teaching who about fire safety?

And cake sounds freaking great right about now.