Is there any other kind?

There is a (probably unintentionally) funny ad in the L.A. Times Community Local Values insert this week.

Laser Eye Center: Custom Lasik!

Pardon me if I don't really think there's much value in "one size fits all" eye surgery...

Great Lakes Hurricane?

Inter-racial bear pairs?

Behold the great white grizzpo. Actually, the proposed Inuit name for this grizzly-polar bear hybrid is much cooler - nanulak, which comes from "nanuk" (polar) and "aklak" (grizzly).

"Aklak!"
"Oh look, honey. It's that talking duck from that insurance company. Say it again, buddy!"
"No, seriously guys, aklak!"
"Hahaha...silly duck. You slay me."
"Dude, forget the insurance. Look behind you. Aklak!"
"What's that hot breath on my neck? And that growling in my ear? And that..."
*chomp!*

Yes, but will it make you a sandwich?

Silly Slate article claiming a $600 Playstation 3 would make a better lifemate than another, you know, actual human being.

Unlike a nagging spouse, the PS3 doesn't care about your income or your level of education — it loves you just the way you are.* It is true that you will eventually become accustomed to your sleek new PS3, but this will take an extremely long time. The PS3, after all, has been built expressly to keep mind-blowing novelty coming and coming and coming. Periodic infusions of novelty — new games — will keep the endorphins flowing.

*This is assuming, of course, that PS3s are in fact capable of love, which I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say isn't an accurate assumption to be making.

And Now, a Phrase Never Before Uttered in the English Language

They're sending the Uighurs to Albania. This is not code.

Tongue Sight?

Okay, this is one of the stranger things I've heard in a while.

By routing signals from helmet-mounted cameras, sonar and other equipment through the tongue to the brain, [military researchers] hope to give elite soldiers superhuman senses similar to owls, snakes and fish.

...

The device, known as "Brain Port," was pioneered more than 30 years ago by Dr. Paul Bach-y-Rita, a University of Wisconsin neuroscientist. Bach-y-Rita began routing images from a camera through electrodes taped to people's backs and later discovered the tongue was a superior transmitter. (italics mine)

...

In testing, blind people found doorways, noticed people walking in front of them and caught balls. A version of the device, expected to be commercially marketed soon, has restored balance to those whose vestibular systems in the inner ear were destroyed by antibiotics.

http://www.makeworkpay.org/ Enter in your pay on the far right and see how long it takes a Top 500 CEO to earn what you earn. It takes 10 hours for a CEO to earn what the average Wal Mart employee earns in a year, about $13,000. Not only do most CEO's earn $11 Billion a year themselves, Wal Mart also makes about that much in profit per year. Now I know you all already know all this, but I just had to say something because there are these Republican and Libertarian kids in my Government class and we always bicker about labor issues. Now no one can deny that there is something wrong with those figures, and that Wal Mart, and every other top company that makes that much in profit, can shell out a little more so their employees make more than a living wage, or maybe so they can ALL have health insurance, which Wal Mart only covers %22 of their employees, and not to mention the plan they give is ridiculous. Hell, what if some of those companies that outsourced paid them babies that are making our clothing AMERICAN wages because they are AMERICAN companies. I just can't get over this. Can anybody explain any possible economical benefits that can come from child labor? Or possibly how to stop this crap? I'm feeling really politically charged because we have been having guest speakers from every political party come in to government and talk to us, and today, we have the Socialist party. So hopefully that will go better than yesterdays speaker, from the Constitution party.

Read Nothing Into This Post

So I was thinking about the e.p.t.^® pregnancy test. They advertise it as 99% accurate. Now, this actually means that 99% of the time, if there is a sufficient concentration of a particular hormone, the mechanism will indicate a pregnancy.

What I can't locate, however is the rate of false positives- or, what percentage of the time an insufficient concentration of said hormone will indicate a pregnancy. This is critical information, because the actual probability of getting a false positive is not very intuitive.

The way you actually calculate the probability that you're pregnant given a positive result on a pregnancy test is to use conditional probabilities, or Bayes' Theorem.

We say that P(A|B) is the probability of A given B. So, the probability of being pregnant (call it preg) given that you observe a positive result (call it +) on a pregnancy test can be written P(preg|+). We calculate this probability... but to do so, we need the "accuracy," as Pfizer reports it. They observe a positive result (+) given a pregnancy (preg) with 99% probability. So P(+|preg) = 0.99.

We also need to know what the chance that you're pregnant is. In the U.S., there are about 14 births/1000 population (according to the CIA Factbook). Given that we have about 300M people, approximately 50% of whom are women, we can say that if you are a woman, your chance of being pregnant is approximately 2%. This is, of course, a rough estimate, but bear with me. That is, P(preg)=0.02.

Lastly, we need one piece of information I can't seem to find: what is the probability of getting a positive result given no pregnancy, or P(+|not preg)? Well, if we assume there's a 1% chance of such a reading, P(+|not preg)=0.01.

Now, the formula is: P(preg|+)=P(+|preg)P(preg)/P(+), where P(+) = P(+|preg)P(preg)+P(+|not preg)P(not preg). We can now calculate!

So, P(preg|+) = 0.99*0.02/(0.99*0.02+0.01*0.98)=0.67. Under these assumptions, there's only a 67% chance that you really are pregnant given you got a positive reading on the test! Holy crap!

So from what I can tell, then, the false positive rate had better be reeeeallly low if you want to trust your tests.

Unlikely Quantities

A Baker's dozen is 13. Presumably this is because bakers are either generous-possibly- or innumerate-unlikely, as they have to calculate proportions all the time. So I guess, then, that a Banker's dozen is 11. This is because the fee for dropping beneath the minimum donut balance (average daily balance of 20 donuts) must be rounded to the nearest donut.

Research on the Cutting-Edge

At first I was going to snark about the Brits coming up with yet another mind-blowing scientific discovery (since this article is posted on the BBC website), but it turns out that it's the Belgians this time. Seriously, how much money did they need to spend on an experiment to determine that, yes, straight men get distracted by scantily-clad women?

Update

I haven't been writing much of late. I'm sure you noticed. I apologize, but it wasn't my fault: the sun was in my eyes. No, really, the stop sign wasn't visible! Er... it was the one-armed man!

We're fast approaching the wedding. It'll be nice to get that wrapped up. I'm looking forward to it. Still have some stuff to take care of; there's centerpieces (which Mom and Dad are working on), the cake (still on me, though I now have a good idea on how to get that done), and a few other little things. Everything will get done, I'm certain. Just could do with having it done and gone.

I've been reading quite a bit, up until this last week. Should go to the library or the bookstore or something.

A Newspaper Headline only an Editor Could Love:

Urinals Backed Up by Conservationists

(saw it in a hallway on campus)

Some Things That I Enjoyed Very Much as a Child Yet Don't Seem to Enjoy so Much These Days or Maybe Just Don't do Very Often

• Riding BMX-style bicycle
• Jumping things on said bicycle
• Throwing dirt clods
• Baseball
• Ghost in the graveyard (silly hybrid between tag and hide-and-go-seek)
• Reading dictionary
• Taunting Matt

Partial list of things that make me glad I abandoned vegetarianism

• Double-doubles, animal style, from In-N-Out Burger. We had 'em for lunch yesterday, and I'm drooling at the memory.
• Lamb. I am so going to hell for it, but adorable baby sheep are ridiculously delicious.
• Cornish game hens, perfectly prepared. Scrumptious beyond measure.
• The combined thrills of trying new foods and enjoying limitless menus.

Shopping Lists

Would be funny if they were composed at a Ouija Board.

In Which Our Intrepid Hero has Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation

Once again, I have put my body to the test. Opened myself to prods and insistent questions. Sacrificed so that the sum of knowledge could grow. Yes, that's right, I was a paid subject for a human experiment.

This experiment was not terribly unpleasant. It was all a matter of sitting still while the experimenter discharged big capacitor banks through (insulated) wire coils he pressed up against the back of my head. No biggie. Turns out that when you discharge the capacitors, a great big current pulse flows through the coils. When that happens, there's a big pulse of magnetic field along (most particularly) the axis of coils. Further, magnetic pulse tends to interact with your brain in interesting ways.

A great deal of literature indicates that this practice is quite safe; people've been doing these experiments for at least 15 years and there's no indication that it has any malinfluence on the subjects.

Anyway, the magnetic field can stimulate the brain in nifty ways. In this case, he aligned the coils so the magnetic field would interact with the primary visual cortex. As a result, when the caps (capacitors) were discharged, the pulse of magnetic field would make me see this crazy spot just right of the center of my field of vision.

Apparently the idea is to flash some picture up on a screen and then, an instant later, stimulate the cortex and determine how the picture persists in the brain. Pretty swell stuff. I'm going to do it again next week for an hour; we'll see if there are more cool stories of bizarre field-induced hallucinations.

Job Interview Stuff

Here is a list of odd statements made/heard at job interviews or in resumes. A few of my faves:

• "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
• "Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."
• "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
• "I know who is responsible for most of my troubles."

Minimum Differentiation?

Has anyone else noticed that the redesigned web presence for CNN, the Washington Post, and the New York Times all look suspiciously similar?

The Minimalist to the Rescue

We tried a new recipe from The Minimalist, author of the most useful cookbook ever (How to Cook Everything: Simple Recipes for Great Food).

Here's the recipe:

• Take 2lbs pork shoulder, cut into 1-2" chunks. Sear the meat and then put it aside (hell, retain the pan; you'll be making a sauce later)
• You'll need 1lb of carrots (baby or chunked)
• 2 cups fruity red wine (beaujolais or pinot noir, for example) (substitute 1/2 cup good vinegar and make up the volume with water)
• 1 cup of nice stock
• 10 or so cloves garlic, peeled
• 2 tbsp butter (hmm, sinful)
• a bit of flour (a few tablespoonfuls)
• Egg noodles, about 1 lb

• Combine the meat, stock, wine, carrots and garlic in a large pan (you'll need a big one, as this is a bit of a stew).
• Bring to a boil, then simmer for about an hour (with the cover on the pot).
• Strain out the solids, depositing the liquid into the pan you saved (the one with the tasty meat-searing-bits).
• Reduce the liquid with high heat to about 1 and a half cups, scraping the bottom of the pan to release then good pork stuff.
• Add the butter and lower heat to, well, low.
• Add the flour, stir in carefully until smooth.
• Salt and pepper to taste.
• Cook noodles al dente, strain.
• Combine everything, eat.
• Thank me, Mark Bittman.

What I Read on Spring Break (Since I'm Too Lazy to Update the Media Sidebar Every Time I Finish Yet Another Book)

I read (or finished): The Complete Robot, by Isaac Asimov, State of Fear, by Michael Crichton, and The World's Religions, by Huston Smith. I also read Seinlanguage, by Jerry Seinfeld, and Ringworld, by Larry Niven. Currently I'm reading: Reason: Why Liberals Will Win the Battle for America, by Robert Reich, and Team of Rivals: The Political Wisdom of Abraham Lincoln, by Doris Kearns Goodwin (the plagiarist whose names I'm most likely to invert).

UPDATE: I remembered that I also read another collection of Asimov's short stories: Robot Dreams

This Movie is Stupid

Crash, the three-time Acadamey Award winning film, is stupid. An incredibly lame film. The makers of this film are clearly the stupidest people now living. The people who voted for Crash to receive the Academy Award for Best Motion Picture of the Year are the stupidest people to ever cast votes in this messed up contest. They should all be put to sleep.

For the love of god please end this ridiculous mockery of a film. I am, however, stuck watching it.

All Your Bamboo Are Belong To Us

JordanBaker offers an amusing commentary about the wacky theory that the Chinese are out to brainwash the world using panda cuteness.

Fun for days! Well, really just a few minutes. http://www.desktopblues.lichtlabor.ch/ Sorry, I'm still link illiterate. Deal.

There are Too Many Ones in the Lead

Tax cheats beware: if you make up information on tax forms, be certain that you use the right number of leading ones. What, you may ask, is a leading one? Well, the leading digit of a number (say the number of dollars you paid to FICA last year) is the first digit in the number. Duh. A leading one is therefore a one at the... lead... of a number.

Anyhow, it turns out that in the real world, for a set of related numbers--for example, the information on your tax return--the leading digits aren't uniformly distributed. That is, rather than any digit, one through nine, being equally probable to occur in the first position of a number, there is some other distribution!

We can see below what I mean.

Here is a graph showing in blue a unform probability distribution, like you'd expect to get from throwing a nine-sided die, and might think for things like leading digits. In red, we see a graph of "Benford's Law", which, it turns out, is how leading digits are distributed! The way to read the graph is to locate the leading digit on the x axis, draw a line (in your mind--don't foul the monitor) from the x axis, straight up, until it intersects the red curve. Then, draw a horizontal line from that intersection over to the y axis. Where that horizontal line meets the y axis, that is the chance of finding your particular digit in the leading position.

You can see that the most probable leading digit is one! It is nearly three times more probable than in the uniform distribution! Goes to show that probability and statistics sometimes do things you wouldn't expect.

Dr. McNoModulation or: You Need to Learn Not to Love the Monotone

Now, I'm just a simple unfrozen-speech-geek, but your consistent monotone strikes me as perhaps not the best way to convey your deeply-held and well-reasoned beliefs to a wider audience. While your various utterances may seem completely obvious to you, and indeed be part of a coherent speech --complete with punctuation!-- you must realize that your choices of media must influence the way in which information is conveyed.

I understand that your primary mode of communication is written, but your unmodulated, uninflected, stream of words slips easily from the mental grasp of even the most hardened NPR listener.

Here is a piece of advice to you, O Valued Academic: by varying pitch and speed, you can alleviate the unbearable ignorance of these huddled masses!

Thanum an Dhul!

According to this article from Slate, Ireland is now a big exporter of "crack." Eh, that is, "craic," or "communal fun" in Gaelic.

IPCo's designers claim to have "developed ways of re-creating Irish pubs which would be successful, culturally and commercially, anywhere in the world." To wit, they offer five basic styles: The "Country Cottage," with its timber beams and stone floors, is supposed to resemble a rural house that gradually became a commercial establishment. The "Gaelic" design features rough-hewn doors and murals based on Irish folklore. You might, instead, choose the "Traditional Pub Shop," which includes a fake store (like an apothecary), or the "Brewery" style, which includes empty casks and other brewery detritus, or "Victorian Dublin," an upscale stained-glass joint. IPCo will assemble your chosen pub in Ireland. Then they'll bring the whole thing to your space and set it up. All you have to do is some basic prep, and voilà! Ireland arrives in Dubai. (IPCo has built several pubs and a mock village there.)

This week in National Geographic News...

Yeti crabs and the "real" story of Nessie. I am exceedingly amused by both.

New toy

Pretty cool.

I'll take... U.S. History for... $1000, Alex

There's a quiz up at The American Prospect's blog (TAPPED). Supposedly this is stuff any well-educated person should know. Give it a look.

Best Most Well-Liked Editor

Among the problems I have with the Oscars, Emmys, Tonys, Golden Globes, etc, is that I don't understand how one can adequately distinguish the qualities of performances of disparate roles. There isn't a metric that really establishes "best."

This is particularly galling (for some strange reason unknown to me) in the category of editing: How do they know? The voters don't get to see the footage that contestants began with, and we don't know what other editors would have done with same!

It would be awesome to see a well-set up editing contest. Give N would-be editors the same stock of footage, the same screenplay (or not, or whatever), and the same equipment. Now, judge the results. That would be a legitimate editing contest. In fact, if anyone's heard of such a thing, would you let me know? I'd be really intrigued to see it.

Update

So, what's the deal with me not writing much, or calling people, or participating in the human race? I'm not sure about the first two, but the last is patently false: we've been hanging out with peoples and doing fun stuff (when not working our little keisters off).

For instance, last Friday, Susan, Max, Raviv (nice fellow in my research group) and I went to the Icehouse and saw Tom Papa and Tammy Pescatelli, among others. I nearly vomited during Papa's set, I laughed so hard. That guy rocks.

Who doesn't rock? That one dude sitting nearby who "learned how to whisper in a helicopter" (to quote Tammy Pescatelli). He got picked on by basically all the comics; rough gig, as he was on a date. I felt bad for the guy, but he didn't look like he was having much fun to begin. Perhaps he was too cool to laugh.

Also last weekend we prepared a magnificient meal at Max's: a Lilliput inspired repast. (Nearly) Everything was small: game hens, baby vegetables, etc. Everything was freaking delicious, and a good time was had by all.

Work is going okay. Our group submitted five presentations for an conference (CLEO) in May. All five were accepted, so the Painter group will be busy while Susan and I wed.

On that front, if you read this and have not RSVP, please do so. We are coming up on April, and we'd like to get the attendance list settled.

I've been reading a lot, and I'll direct you to the Media sidebar to discover some of that.

What else? I don't know. Comment, people. Tell me what you're up to. Respond to SOMETHING paragraph by paragraph or sentence by sentence. Hell, correct my grammar. Lord knows I don't write anything for human consumption anymore. It's all for damned scientists.

Eugh

It may be true that the "Bin Laden factor" gave Shrub an edge in 2004, but this still makes me feel a little icky inside.

Meow?

A cougar wandered into Altadena yesterday. This report doesn't mention it, but I also heard the cat was stalking some fake deer in someone's yard. I'm giggling and feeling sorry for it all at once...

Also, I get a kick out of the fact that the last name of the guy who found the cougar in his yard is Bovinette. Vicious predator gravitates to smallest cow in the herd...

Sideshow Mal?

Wow, Malcolm Gladwell has some crazy, crazy hair.

Cloudy Skies and Cleansing Rain

Last week or so we had temperatures in the upper eighties. Santa Ana Conditions. Chatsworth on fire. Air full of dirt and gritty heat. Eyes burning, lips chapped, etc.

In the course of a few days, tbe temperature dramatically decreased. Ten degree drops on consecutive days. Getting nice out.

Since Friday we've had pounding rain, wind, and dramatic skies. Excellent. Even the thickest layer of grime came off of Susan's car!

Unknown White Male

This documentary about a guy with retrograde amnesia looks really intriguing. Via Mind Hacks.

Not that I'd want to live there, but...

This is a pretty impressive set of photos of 3D optical illusions on a grand scale. Thanks for that, geekpress.

A little outdated, but still fun

Which Supreme Court Justice are you? http://www.quizilla.com/users/bannana873/quizzes/Which%20Supreme%20Court%20Justice%20Are%20You%3F John Paul Stevens, oooh yeeeah. You're John Paul Stevens! You are the sole remaining true liberal on the court. You stand proudly for what you believe in, and you seem to refuse to slow down. You are strong when you should be weak, and by all accounts, you'll live to be 200, good job!

Funnier than SNL

We all know that the main problem with SNL is that they beat sketches to death. They beat and beat and beat and beat and beat and beat (and beat)^100 to death the poor sketches. In fact, I think it would be much better were they to just present the premise of their bits. Hell- just televise a pitch meeting; you get all the funny setups and none of the poor attempts at acting.

Shadowy G-man Seen On Gobbler's Knob

They should just start the Groundhog Day ceremony a couple of hours earlier. No way that groundhog's going to see any shadow if the sun's not up yet.

WARNING: Do Not Eat

If you're dumb enough to not realize that listening to music at a high volume can lead to hearing loss, you're dumb enough to be mocked for your silly-ass lawsuit. Mock, mock, mock.

Wait- Did They Just Say That?

Listenting to NPR, they're talking about presidential scandals. The speaker was droning on saying "Johnson had Vietnam, Nixon had Watergate, Reagan had Iran-Contra, Clinton had Lewinsky..." Hehe. Had Lewinsky.

This American Life... Wrong!

During this week's This American Life, entitled, I Enjoy Being a Girl (Sort Of),

Writer Sarah Miller attends a class on how to walk and talk and act like a man.

What she hears and "learns" in this class is pretty much the worst dreck I've ever heard. To summarize, being male is all about being crass, unclean, arrogant, possessive, unengaged, etc. It was really, really bad. And it was taught by a woman. Hmmm...

Funny Things Seen Around Town

A big sign in the front window of the Bearly Stitchin' Sewing Center proclaiming there will be a Super Bowl Sunday Sale! That's right ladies, come spend your money on notions and sewing machines while your men are otherwise occupied...

Shaun of the Dead

Watch this movie- it is really good! Had a ton of clever references, was really quite well done.

Mish eard

During a piece on NPR about Grand Theft Auto, a reporter misspoke, saying "Grand Theft Otter" which suggests to me a rich genre of spoof game titles...

• Grand Theft Otter (as above)
• Grant Theft Auto
• Grand Thrift Auto
• Ground Theft, Otto
• Grand Theft: A Toe

If I Only Had a (popular) Blog...

This is why we need to become wildly popular bloggers. Free trips are good.

Working the Brains Out

Cannot... think... much... more...

Sitting, Waiting, Surfing

Here's a silly little mouse-based game. How long can you last? I can do >30 seconds. This is insanely hard on a laptop trackpad.

Are jellyfish delish?

My guess would be no. This one looks downright terrifying. Apparently these humongous beasties (up to 6'7" in diameter!) are causing huge problems for the Japanese fishing industry. If people don't start finding ways to turn them into food (or reduce the population in some other manner), they will continue to wreck their jellyfish havoc.

Jellyfish Havoc? Band name, anyone?

Green ham and eggs?

I do not like pigs turning green.
I do not like their unhealthy sheen.
I would not turn on a black light;
I could not work past the fright.

Glad for Gladwell

Malcolm Gladwell, author of such gems as The Tipping Point, and Blink (both fine books) has an archive of his New Yorker pieces here. I frankly think that he's better as a long-piece journalist than an author of books. That's not intended to be anything other than praise; he's a fantastic feature-length magazine writer.

Finally... peace

My first first author paper has been accepted for publication. After production editing, it will be appearing in Optics Express. Yay, me.

B.S.

I've been listening along to the Samuel Alito confirmation hearings while I work. As with the previous ones I've heard, there's a pretty consistent refrain of both nominee and (Republican) questioner:

Can't prejudge! Can't prejudge!

Now, as far as it goes, this is a pretty reasonable restriction; you don't want an adjudicator to say what he thinks of pending litigation. However, the companions (I guess offered by way of explanation) to this refrain are:

Can't precommit to ruling a certain way!

And

Need specifics!

These rationales seem to me to be b.s. One need only apply the second to refute the first. It is damn near impossible that a real case a nominee (or justice) might hear would correspond in the specifics to a briefly outlined hypothetical question answered in hearings! Further damning this first explanation down the river is the willingness of the questioners to accept a nominees offer of "that was my opinion then" as "undoing" their previously held opinions. If it is possible that the nominee changed their mind on an issue (say, "Should government discrimination against women be permitted?"), then "prejudgement" does not matter, as events and changes in procedure occurring after the "prejudgement" can change the conclusion.

The second issue is a bit more reasonable- at least with regard to existing cases. It doesn't make much sense to avoid answering a fairly general question (say, "In what ways is it possible for the President's Article II powers enable him to overrule or ignore the legislation of the Congress?" (Possibly a poor example, as this may be in litigation soon)). General questions don't really call for specifics.

Mary Had a Little Dog...

Wow- an interesting poem by Billy Collins. A hauntingly effective edit by Kieran Healy, of Crooked Timber. Really evocative, both. Found at Grammar.police.

Them's some powerful courts in Italy...

According to this article, there's a court case in Italy right now that blows all this "intelligent design" blather completely out of the water.

"Cascioli says he didn't exist. And I said that he did," [Roman Catholic priest Enrico Righi] said. "The judge will decide if Christ exists or not."

Uh huh. That's gonna happen.

Stuff on my cat dot com

Somehow I get the feeling we'll be submitting photos here at some point. To quote the site's tagline, "stuff + cats = awesome"

The Return of the Coworkers

My office-mates have, at long last, returned. True, Chris was back on Friday, but now Matt is also returned: we have a full complement of dorks. Perhaps there will be snort-laughing, perhaps not, but you better bet that we'll be applying physics concepts to analyze human behavior. Which always works. Really.

Chris, the underwater hockey player (really- he's an alternate on the "national" team), mentioned that the lack of oxygen after a workout or game is such that he feels stupid for a while thereafter. I comment that it's great that he intentionally stupids himself up before coming to work.

Rainy days and Mondays...

The Tournament of Roses Parade is being held on Monday, January 2nd this year, instead of New Year's Day, as it normally is. Why would they do such a silly thing, you ask? Well, as luck would have it, The Cincinnati Post (of all things) has that answer, and many more!

The "Never on Sunday" rule was adopted in 1893, when officials feared the noise would spook horses tethered outside churches along the route.

Go figure, huh? Also, the weather folk keep promising we'll be getting a big storm in this weekend, and if it keeps up through Monday as expected, it will be the first time the parade has been rained on in 50 years. That year, the Grand Marshall of the parade was Supreme Court Chief Justice Earl Warren. This year's Grand Marshall...Justice Sandra Day O'Connor. (Cue Twilight Zone music...)

Merry Christmas...

To all, and to all a good night. Thank you, everyone, for your kind words and gifts. We hope your Christmases were similarly full of excellence and sparkle-tastic goodness.

Sunny days, chasin' the elves away...

On my way blah blah blah... it is 79 degrees out, here. Clear skies. Really unfortunate. We've turned on the AC.

Should we have titles?

I'm on the fence.

We caught Arrested Development this week. In it, Scott Baio played a lawyer named "Bob Loblaw." As Susan instructs: say it out loud. It turns out that Bob Loblaw had to go work on his law blog (like the Volokh Conspiracy?). Say that out loud, too: Bob Loblaw works on his law blog.

Well... this is fantastic:

ATF: 550 pounds of explosives missing in New Mexico

Greg Giraldo used to be funny, but now he's just a big whore. Sad. Okay, to be fair, he's still funny; now with 100% more whoring.

Some North Carolina town names (courtesy the Wikipedia):

• Frog Level
• Tickbite
• Lizard Lick
• Frying Pan Landing
• Soul City
• Kill Devil Hills
• Welcome
• Bat Cave
• Climax

Actor John Spencer of West Wing Fame Dead at 58. Weird. Way too weird; life imitating art.

According to a computer-aided analysis of Mona Lisa's smile:

Mona Lisa was 83 percent happy, 9 percent disgusted, 6 percent fearful, and 2 percent angry.

Kind of an odd mix, no?

Yesterday morning Tom & I were listening to a very interesting NPR story about narwhals. Did you know their tusks are, unlike regular teeth, soft on the outside and tough in the middle? Today there's an article all about the narwhal tusk in the New York Times. Fascinating stuff.

Based on childhood experience, I can say with certainty that my family wouldn't hesitate to torture me. I doubt they'd torture anyone else, but just in case, I recommend to them this piece by Michael Kinsley. Just kidding, family. I know you're not savages.

This morning they're filming ER on campus. I walked by their trailers and equipment trucks and whatnot on my way to the office. When I went to get my usual morning coke, I found my route obscured by shooting! Then I went around to the other entrance and managed to stumble more or less into their scene. I heard Goran Visnjic shouting "Alex!"

When I started dropping quarters into the machine, they had to shut the door. Oops.

Tommy + Helen Keller

So I had forgotten that Tommy was deaf, dumb, and blind because of psychological trauma. It has been a while since I've seen the movie, and the music itself has only some detail. Plus, I'm not old, so don't blame me for not having The Who down pat...

Anyhow, I was trying to think of how he learned to play pinball, while under the misapprehension that he really was D.D.&B and had always been so. It occurred to me that The Miracle Worker -or any of its countless re-productions by junior high school drama clubs- would have really been funny if there was a scene where Annie Sullivan taught Helen to play pinball.

A good Bond-girl name: Tricky Maneuver

Via Ezra, comes an interesting link which has inspired in me some questions for those parents reading this ridiculous excuse for an internet weblog:

What is the deal with parents and parenting "styles" or "techniques?" I've read about Ferberizing -it sounds onomatopoetically (yeah, yeah) like when you put your lips against the baby's tummy and blow, making that funny noise, or perhaps a dry-cleaning method, or some kind of upholstery-protecting spray- and about "co-sleeping." So, what do you all think? What did you do to us? How'd that work out for ya? I know I have problems going to sleep even now, so, yeah, thanks a lot.

This is incredibly stupid. The lesson to take from it is: if you don't like the data, stop collecting it.

I'd draw your attention to the sidebar, under the "Media" heading.Eric Fischl is fantastic. His subjects are decidedly adult (but it ain't p0rn, or anything).

Looks good for his age, doesn't he? More Thanksgiving photos here.

I woke up this morning and I was unable to breathe due to my chronic coughing and stuffed nose, my body ached, and my head hurt so baaad. I am convinced I have the bird flu.

I don't watch "reality shows" anyway, but this is the worst idea I've ever heard. Unbelievably cruel.

Good Stuff from the Mt. Wilson Towercam Tonight

And here's a daytime picture from yesterday with labels as to where things are.

A knitter reviews Harry Potter.

This is just one of the reasons that unlimited free booze on international flights is a baaaad idea.

Weird toothbrush art. Very interesting. I've been quiet for a while b/c I'm working like a madman on trying to finish a paper.

Here's a good argument for leaving my asymmetrical nose just the way it is. Says Scott Adams, of deviated septum correction surgery:

Apparently doctors shove a starving wolverine into one nostril, where it scratches and eats until it hits brain. Then they pull him out by his tail. Nurses stop the bleeding by packing each nostril with a queen size mattress that is carefully wrapped around a wino.

Via geekpress, interesting article about language development.

Susan's review of the song "Jumpers,"

It has more of an impact when you know the lyrics.

(emphasis added)

Partial list of songs that are played on the radio at work every single day and are one day going to make me snap:

Horse With No Name

Groovin' (on a Sunday afternoon)

Play That Funky Music, White Boy

Oye Como Vas

Brown-Eyed Girl

The Empire Carpet jingle

Crocodile Rock

Tiny Dancer

Candle in the Wind (yes, somebody at the station must have a serious appreciation for Elton)

She Loves You

Can't Buy Me Love

A Day in the Life (ditto Beatles, but only about 5% of their total catalog...the same handful of songs)

Under the Boardwalk

You've Got A Friend

Dreams (Thunder Only Happens When It's Raining)

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. (Really, Each Song's Perfectly Evil & Crap-Tastic)

Thank goodness for my iPod. If I weren't able to drown out the other crap at least part of the day, I'd have gone postal long ago.

When the eyes of the ranger are upon you....he'll roundhouse kick you in the face. http://www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty

Here's a really cool song. It isn't exactly roses and candy, but it is nevertheless super evocative, and rather clever.

Jumpers- Sleater-Kinney

I spend the afternoon in cars
I sit in traffic jams for hours
don’t push me,
I am not OK

the sky is blue most every day
the lemons grow like tumors they
are tiny suns infused with sour

lonely as a cloud
in the Golden State
“The coldest winter that I ever saw
Was the summer that I spent…”

the only substance is the fog
and it hides all that has gone wrong
can’t see a thing inside the maze

there is a bridge adored and famed
the Golden spine of engineering
whose back is heavy with my weight

lonely as a cloud
in the Golden State
“The coldest winter that I ever saw
Was the summer that I spent…”

be still this old heart
be still this old skin
drink your last drink
sin your last sin
sing your last song
about the beginning
sing it out loud
so the people can hear
let’s go!

be still this sad day
be still this sad year
hope your last hope
fear you last fear
your not the only one (4x)
let’s go!

my falling shape will draw a line
between the blue of sea and sky
I’m not a bird, I’m not a plane

I took a taxi to the gate
I will not go to school again
four seconds was the longest wait (4x)
four seconds was the longest

Awww...squirrel adopted by a dog...

This is pretty great. The US Government has unveiled a new non-lethal laser gun, appropriately called the Personnel Halting and Stimulation Response rifle. Yes, that's right. PHASR gun. Ha! Looks like something straight out of Farscape, too.

A partial list of the animals I've had the pleasure of feeding on:

• alligator
• ant (chocolate)
• bison
• chicken
• clam
• cow
• crab
• crayfish
• deer
• duck
• elk
• frog
• game hen
• goat
• goose
• grasshopper
• jellyfish
• sheep
• lamb
• lobster
• mussel
• octopus
• ostrich
• oyster
• pheasant
• pig
• pigeon
• prawn
• rabbit
• salmon
• scallops
• sea urchin
• shrimp
• snail
• squid
• trout
• turkey
• whitefishes

"let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth..."

Genesis 1:26 (KJV)

Says the woman who used to write erotica and books about vampires:

"I [want] to write only for Jesus Christ...My hope is to live long enough to finish the life of Christ."

Funny way God has of repaying this new-found devotion.

Though some popular preachers claim faith produces good fortune, Rice has faced serious problems since rejoining the church: the death of her husband, a diabetic coma and burst appendix (both life-threatening), gastric bypass surgery to counter a dangerous weight gain and surgery for an intestinal blockage.

Ouch.

People want some strange things at Craigslist:
I need turkey and stuff (Portland)
Curly Hair model wanted! (NYC)
I need milk crates...wicked bad (NYC)
Dreads for Art (Cleveland)
11/06 West Wing episode (Los Angeles)
WTF Andrew Earp (L.A.)
Rusty or not...items (Seattle)

What's this, the return of the Middle Ages?

An Open Letter to Whatever Dastardly Fiend Put an Empty Pasta Container (Containing a Wadded-up Paper Bag) into our Freezer, and to Our Cats, Whom I suspect of Taking Diuretics Without Our Knowledge;

I will catch you. And stop peeing so damn much.

According to this article, the army dumped chemical weapons into the ocean for about 30 years. Not the deep ocean mind you, but, for example, 20 miles off of Atlantic City.

This is insane:

BENTONVILLE, Ark. (AP) - For 40 exhausting minutes, Wayne Goldsberry battled a buck with his bare hands in his daughter's bedroom. Goldsberry finally subdued the five-point whitetail deer that crashed through a bedroom window at his daughter's home Friday. When it was over, blood splattered the walls and the deer lay dead on the bedroom floor, its neck broken.

Matt Yglesias has a funny post up:

After all, 22 percent of Americans say they've personally seen ghosts, so you can probably get 20 percent to agree to anything.

Boy, how much would this suck?